Being a girl catches me off guard sometimes. I'll be sitting around, minding my own business and maybe playing some Halo or doing some math homework, and all of a sudden, bam! Ovaries! Totally blindsided me!
Seriously, though, that's pretty much what it's like. I don't think of myself as any gender but I don't not think of myself as any gender...it doesn't enter my thoughts much at all until my attention is drawn to it, which unfortunately happens quite a bit.
Usually it's not anything directly critical that reminds me I'm a girl, but there's an element of exclusion to studying predominantly male fields. People either think I'm bad at math and science because I'm a girl, or, more frequently, think I must be REALLY SUPER good at it to have stuck with it despite being a girl. Either way, there's kind of an unspoken "how did she get here? SHIT hide the porn!!" that sometimes makes me feel a bit unwelcome.
I should point out that I'm talking from the perspective of an Asian girl, so I get a different set of "what you're supposed to be"s than I would if I were a different race. I find that being Asian's often used as an excuse to make up for my nerdly traits (and I make light of it myself to defuse uncomfortable situations, though I know I shouldn't and I chastise myself afterwards). "What the hell!? You're a girl! You're not supposed to be good at this!" "I'm Asian." "Ohh, right." etc etc etc.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-09-10 06:06 am (UTC)Seriously, though, that's pretty much what it's like. I don't think of myself as any gender but I don't not think of myself as any gender...it doesn't enter my thoughts much at all until my attention is drawn to it, which unfortunately happens quite a bit.
Usually it's not anything directly critical that reminds me I'm a girl, but there's an element of exclusion to studying predominantly male fields. People either think I'm bad at math and science because I'm a girl, or, more frequently, think I must be REALLY SUPER good at it to have stuck with it despite being a girl. Either way, there's kind of an unspoken "how did she get here? SHIT hide the porn!!" that sometimes makes me feel a bit unwelcome.
I should point out that I'm talking from the perspective of an Asian girl, so I get a different set of "what you're supposed to be"s than I would if I were a different race. I find that being Asian's often used as an excuse to make up for my nerdly traits (and I make light of it myself to defuse uncomfortable situations, though I know I shouldn't and I chastise myself afterwards). "What the hell!? You're a girl! You're not supposed to be good at this!" "I'm Asian." "Ohh, right." etc etc etc.